Archive for the ‘Cheap’ Category

I work at a national chain restaurant. A woman came in with her three small, unruly children. I greet the table with a smile but before I am able to get anything out of my mouth she says: “I have 30 dollars. That’s all. You need to make sure that the bill isn’t over 30 dollars and we all need to eat and have ice cream.”

Ummm are you kidding me? How the hell is that MY responsibility?! Great, so I am clearly not getting a tip and now I have to do math on top of it. It ended up being one of the most difficult dinner/dessert service of my life (complete with MANY substitutions, send backs, and my manager having to comp due to her dissatisfaction) the bill came to $29.84…AND SHE HAD THE NERVE TO LEAVE THE CHANGE ON THE TABLE.


I am a host. At the host stand we have a bucket with crayons for little kids. On the way out of my restaurant a woman stopped at the host stand and started shoveling crayons into her purse. I said, “ma’am those are for children please stop stealing our crayons” she replied, ” Listen here missy don’t be tellin me what to do! besides you can afford to let me steal crayons” then she zipped up her giant purse and ran out of the restaurant. I was speechless.


Big family table comes in. Everything goes fine. Bill was probably $150 or so. The dad pays. I see him drop a $20 on the table. The family all gets up to leave. Last to leave? Mom. She gets up, watches everybody start heading for the door, picks up the $20, leaves a $5 instead.


TGI Fridays in Torrance, CA… Group of 9 come in.
Big Guy, “How many before you have to tip?”
Me – “I’m sorry?”
Big Guy, “The tip. How many people before you gotta tip?”
Me – “You mean auto-gratuity? We add 18% on parties of 8 or more.”
Big Guy (pointing to two friends) – “You fuckers are sitting by yourselves.”


The next time your restaurant bill is $37.72 and you feel compelled to give your server $40 and tell them “keep the change…you were so great!”,

Don’t do it. Less than 10% is insulting. :(

It’s nights like tonight that make me want to remind everybody that I do not pay my rent (or bills. or student loans.) in sunshine and compliments.


While I worked in an all you can eat restaurant we frequently got customers who would eat say, three or four plates of food, then go and fill up another five, leave them all full on the table and claim the food was all disgusting and refuse to pay. There was one time in particular when a couple tried to do this, the managers got involved and were refusing to let the customers leave whilst they called the police. The woman in the couple tried to push past one of my managers and he took hold of her arm to stop her leaving. Cue shouts of assault and harassment, and male partner suddenly going ape shit shouting, “don’t you fucking touch my woman” etc. Luckily there was a full restaurant of people who were watching the show so they couldn’t get away with it. Douchebags…


The other day I had a woman seated by herself in my section on a Friday night. I asked her what she wanted to drink, and she said she didn’t want anything, just a glass of ice. She said her friend was at the antique store next door, she was waiting for him, and he MIGHT order something. She looked pretty trashy, but this restaurant’s customers are about 90% old people and 10% white trash, so it wasn’t surprising. I asked her if she’d like some bread while she was waiting for her friend, she said no. A few minutes later I saw that her glass wasn’t on the table, she was holding it under the table. When she put it back on the table it had a brown liquid in it. Eventually the manager kicked her out for bringing in her own liquor and not buying anything. We found cans of natty ice under the table while vacuuming that night. As a side note, we have $1 drafts…


Note to all 15 year olds: the whole “ewww there was a hair in my fries. Even though I ate them all, I refuse to pay for these and actually want some more” trick only works once per restaurant. Unless you like spit in your fries, please take note of this advice given. Thank you.


The following scenario or any scenario remotely similar to the following should not, under any circumstance, yield confusion:

me charging you for 5 drinks when you ordered 10….unless you thought you were getting them all comped…which wlll NEVER happen.

Note to all the confused: as long as you are being served by servers (who rely on tips to pay for life), getting hooked up for only half of the drinks consumed throughout the night really isn’t half bad.


What is it with seniors and chicken nuggets?! You are obviously not 10 years old…either kick rocks or go to McDonalds…,you ordering  from the kid’s menu is not an option.