Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

I greet a table and before I get a chance to finish saying hi this woman blurts out, “DO YOU HAVE ICEBERG LETTUCE!?” I say yes then this broad follows her question with “good, I want a salad with iceberg lettuce instead of green lettuce….because I am allergic to green lettuce.” WTF….ICEBERG LETTUCE IS GREEN….****Face Palm****


This dude comes in to my bar, acting pretty normal. Two beers in, out of nowhere, he decides someone is going to shoot him and that someone is hiding in the bar. I’m assuming the shrooms hit or something. This guy backs up to the wall and starts screaming for everyone to back off. When the bouncer approaches, he starts screaming “YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME AREN’T YOU?!” On and on until finally, he just bolts out the front door at full speed. Assuming that was it, normal bar business resumes.

Then cops show up looking for the bouncer who “threatened to kill this man while brandishing a weapon.” Apparently this idiot ran down the road until he saw a cop car which he then jumped in front of while screaming “THEY’RE TRYING TO KILL ME!” So everyone explains to the cops that this guy has lost it and no one here has a gun, let alone is trying to kill him. The cops look at the bouncer and say “Are you on drugs?” “Umm no.” “Is he on drugs?” “Probably.” “Okay. Have a good one.” And that guy promptly went to jail.


I had a coworker who was a very happy, upbeat person. One day, she went up to a table where an elderly man and his wife had just been seated and said, “Good morning sunshine! What can I get you to drink?” The man got very angry and said that “sunshine” was the last god damn thing he wants to be thinking about on a Thursday. Then proceeded to get the manager and complain that the waitress had said he was going to die soon.

We were all very confused.


Ooooo Yummm eeeemm That does sound good….

I get the same way waiting for deep dish pizza….

While delivering food to another servers’ table, I walked up on this table of 7 middle-aged business-type ladies whom were passing around numerous pictures of boobs. Shots just of the boobs, nothing else. All types, nice ones, odd ones, large and small. Half the pics were perfect racks. They didn’t notice my approach, and all seemed very excited.

ahem “Ladies, hot plates!”

With a few shrieks they immediately began shuffling the pictures away while awkwardly laughing, looking embarrassed and blushing hard.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, ladies” trying to put down these fucking hot plates/ease thier embarrasment. Turns out they were before and after shots of thier boob-jobs. They said one of them (and pointed to her) was thinking about getting one and they were convincing her. She almost slid under the table with embarrassment.


A customer asked for a milkshake, but didn’t want any ice-cream in it. So I chilled the glass for a few minutes, used milk from the coldest fridge we had, then took it to her. A few minutes later she called me over, complaining it was too warm. There wasn’t much I could do to make it any colder, and I explained that to her, when all of a sudden she bursts out “Taste it! Taste how warm it is! TASTE THE MILKSHAKE.”


So last night my section was in my restaurant’s private dining room (used for private parties generally, over flow seating on busy nights). After a hectic three or so hours of dealing with a full room and needy tables (makin paper though), things finally looked like they were calming down.

Thinking I was about to get cut, the host comes in and tells me to quickly put together a big table for an eight top walk in. I sigh, a little upset that an eight top would walk in so close to our kitchen closing, but I live to serve. So I hastily set the table and wouldn’t you know it, in walks 7 drunk ass ladies and their drunk ass bachelorette friend. So maybe this won’t be so bad.

I immediately turn on the charm, offer champagne, cocktails, wine, you name it, we got it. And so did they. Also they only ordered off of our small plate menu, so no angry kitchen! Yay.

So after several rounds of drinks, and a giant penis cake that they brought in for dessert (And yes, it was chocolate haha), they were ready to pay. I cleared the table, dropped the check, then disappeared. I figured I would just be making the 18% grat off of them (We do it for parties of 6 or more) because their total bill was up to about 320 bucks.

Not five minutes later they called me back in and they all had these goofy grins on their faces, and a check presenter full of cash. “It’s for you, but only if you dance for the bachelorette.” Now I know I could’ve refused, maybe even should have refused, and I’m pretty sure they expected me to. But being the ridiculous person that I am, I simply told them to cue the music.

And so I did a hilarious and very vanilla lap dance for a bachelorette last night. And made a LOT of cash. Like, they doubled the gratuity. I sort of felt a little dirty after it, but was able to laugh it off after a post work drink. Inappropriate? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.


There is no excuse for this type of behavior…ever. This is a true injustice and blatant disregard for humanity. I hope these animals are persecuted to the full extent of the law for acting like animals and physically assaulting a waitress in her work place.