I used to work at restaurants as a college student making balloon animals for tips. Every group of exclusively women would ask for a penis of some variation. One woman asked for MY penis, not with words, but by fondling it while she delivered my $3 tip into my apron…
-Chad
I was training at a new restaurant. My trainer and I get sat a party of eight. Couples. Business guys taking the wives out for a night on the town. Cocktails flow. Appetizers disappear. Finally my trainer is making the rounds, taking orders. He’s already discussed the night’s specials in detail, already sold a couple of $40+ entrees. He gets to The Loud Guy. This guy has a few drinks in him and has decided to impress everyone with how awesome and knowledgeable he is. So of course he asks my trainer to repeat all the specials. He does. Dude starts drilling down to specific ingredients, even asking what kind of herbs are in the béarnaise sauce (it’s tarragon, moron, it’s a fucking béarnaise sauce).
Now, this is at 8 PM on a Friday night and we have 3 other tables of 4 already seated. I’m doing what I can, but my trainer is trapped at this eight-top. Loud Guy keeps asking stupid questions and wanting to chat.
Finally my trainer says, “Sir? I’m sorry, but I have other tables that need my attention. May I take your order?”
Loud guy freaks. How rude, blah blah blah.
My trainer looks at him and says, “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize I was here to entertain you.” And then he starts dancing. Like, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever disco moves. He boogies around the whole table, says to me “Get this guy’s order!” and pelvic-thrusts his way back to the kitchen, leaving the eight-top speechless.
The guy ordered a steak. Medium well. Asshole.
-Annie
When working as a fast food manager, we changed our store hours from being open 24 hours to closing at midnight. The business just wasn’t there to stay open all night. I had a customer try to come through the drive through, my employee told him that we were closed, sorry. The guy proceeded to yell and scream at my employee and even threatened him.
He then pulled into a parking lot next door and got out of his truck and started throwing beer cans at my store. I then called the police, but could only get a partial plate number. Well, as it turned out he called our 800 number that was listed on the window to complain, I then had his phone number, address and name.
The cops tracked him down and I actually got an apology letter that was addressed from the county court office. They made him write an apology letter! Gotcha Sucka!
-Cheri
Don’t mistake my perky waitress voice for me actually liking you….I get paid to deal with creeps like you!
– Laura
Me: “Will you be having dessert this evening?”
Old Man: “I was going to ask for sex but I assume that isn’t on the menu….is it?”
Me: “Just a minute, I’ll ask our 6’5″ chef Hugo if he’s got any in the back.”
-Kylie
I have been bartending for years and heard all kinds of pickup lines. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how stupid some guys are.
Her (talking to her girlfriend): “I like a guy who shaves daily. Stubble is annoying.”
Him (interrupting the conversation): “Then you should see my balls.”
-Johnny
Our restaurant is super strict on ID ing people. I ask this foreigner for his ID and he says ok “American Girl” like that is supposed to be some intense insult….so I said yes I am an American girl and this patriot needs to see your passport or you can see yourself out of my bar. What an asshole.
-Shannon
This 40 year old balding guy last night said, “you have very pretty eyes” I said, “thanks” he replied, “that’s just the first thing I said, not the first thing I thought.” then he gave me this creepy wink. I had other servers go to the table the rest of their meal! What a creep!
-Jenny
During my on the floor training (which i’ve recently finished), i went up to a table of two and introduced myself and my trainer. one of the people (both incredibly large women) asked my trainer “ooooh so can we spank him if he messes up?” without missing a beat my trainer responds with “that’s really up to him”…I watched them lick their lips…
-Carl
I was working the lunch shift at a Steak House in San Gabriel, CA, and a party of 4 walked in. Two adults, and two kids; one of the kids, a 4 year old, was being breastfed (I know he was 4, because I asked their ages while we were making small talk). I started to take the order while he was munching on her rack, he stopped for a second, and ordered a New York steak, my jaw dropped to the floor. True story..the life of a Food Server.
-Brian
Break Room Stories