Was serving two couples, after a couple bottles of wine one of the mothers asked to take my picture as she wanted to set me up with her daughter. I said OK what does she look like. They said she looks just like Kate Hudson and showed me a picture of her. Yeah she looked like Kate Hudson if Kate Hudson gained 40 pounds and ran face first into a wall 10 times….Thanks but no thanks.
-John
I have been asked to fulfill the following requests by customers in the restaurant I work at:
“I need you to change your carpets. That pattern makes me feel like I dont want to eat anymore, which is a waste of your time”
“My 14 year old has a toothache, can he have a shot of vodka?”
“Can you please play this CD in your sound system? Its my boyfriend singing. There are only 2 really dirty songs on it that you can just skip”
Some people should not be allowed to reproduce
-Chris
Bartending this afternoon when a 30 something mom plops her baby on my bar top and says “gimme a yeasty beer I need to breast feed” Uhhh how about the number to child services instead?
-Joel
I waited on a mother and her two daughters the other night. The girls were clearly in their early teens and the mother had one of those weird expressionless botox faces. I approach the table and the first thing out of this woman’s mouth was this, “hello, these are my daughters they aren’t 21 but I am their mother and I want them drinking with me tonight…so bring us 3 Margaritas and 3 shots of Patron.” after refusing her request I come back to the table with a round of waters and the same woman that seemed intent on getting her little girls hammered is now holding her iphone and showing them pictures of her in a skimpy bikini and asking which picture she should send to her boyfriends. BOYFRIENDS as in plural!
Then she sent her food back, complained about the temperature of the restaurant, asked to move tables, complained to my manager because I was rude for denying her underage daughters booze, and stiffed me.
The only thing I could think as I held the receipt in my hand with a big fat zero where the tip is supposed to go was……I wonder what her daughter’s stripper names are going to be.
-Chris
I have a really good friend that works at one of those “staffed by only females” restaurants…which, no matter what you say, it’s not a family restaurant. Well, a rather large (in mass and and group size) family with a 5 or 6 month old baby came in and she had the joy of serving them. Once, when she was bring them refills, she walked up on the table where that baby was teetering in his high chair, waving a steak knife around in the air like a lasso. She said she stopped and said as loudly as she could, “Is that baby waving a steak knife?” To which the mother replied, “Her grandma let her do it.” No one took the knife away. Kudo’s to bad parents for at least trying to allow for natural selection…
-Megan
I was handling a party of 75 or so at my restaurant, and this little boy kept running to the kitchen (with swinging doors) playing in our BLEACH bucket, and rustling through our silverware. and I had to pry the kids hands off the shelving unit (where he could have gotten whapped by the door, swinging open violently at any moment) while he was SCREAMING. Lifted him by his arms, brought him out into the dining room to his parents who had NO IDEA he was gone!!! uggh…then they laughed!
-Alicia
So I’m serving this table a couple weeks ago and at the end of the meal they order coffees and proceed to pitch a tent. After about 10 minutes with their coffees and hot chocolates (there’s a couple of kids no older than 10) there dad or uncle or whoever whips out a deck of cards and when I come back to do refills I notice that these cards are like 60-70’s playboy porn cards. A picture of a different naked chick on the back of every card. I mean these kids are no older than 10 and it’s only who I can assume is there father with another man around the same age and they are playing cards. The whole idea of people playing cards in the kind of upscale steakhouse I work at is in itself strange but I was totally befuddled so I just ignored it.
-Christian
The store I work at, which will naturally remain unnamed, is run by people who insist we offer small children lollipops (as well as small, cheap toys that often double as choking hazards). Since we’re reminded to make such offers, I did so today only to be met with a response of “Oh, no. My daughters don’t need those.” The three little girls protested, and were met with a scolding along the lines of “You don’t need suckers, because they’re nothing but sugar and sugar makes you fat. You don’t want to be fat, do you? Then nobody will like you.” Certainly left me speechless, if nothing else.
-Phil
I witnessed a mother change her son child’s shit covered diaper on my table today. Children don’t poop rainbows and sunshine! Ma’am you are disgusting and unsanitary! People eat on that surface!!!
-Ryan
One night a family walks in my restaurant and literally as soon as they enter the front door, one of their young sons pukes all over the floor, leaving all of us to clean it up. The family decides they still want to eat. As they’re sitting at their table waiting for their food, the kid throws up all over the floor again. This time, one of the owners cleans it up because the dinner rush is coming and we’re all getting really busy. They STILL don’t leave and their food finally comes. For some reason, the mother has decided to to order something for her sick son, which he eats and proceeds to throw it back up all over the floor AGAIN, to be cleaned up by staff again. They still don’t decide to leave until the whole family has finished their meals.
-Mark
Break Room Stories