That’s Because You Are Drinking Water

MY guests order some sort of drink from the bar. I always bring waters to my guests while I wait for their drinks. I bring the lady a water and she says “sir, this drink has no flavor”. while holding back my laughter I respond, “ma’am, that’s because it is water. it’s not supposed to have flavor”. the rest of the table busts out laughing, I kept my composure until I went to the bar. lol. you cant make this shit up.

-Candice

I Just Don’t Get It

When I say “sit anywhere you want” ,why pick the one DIRTY table?!! I will never understand that one!

 

-Samantha

Some Like It Hot…They Suck.

What is it about hot water and it constantly being accompanied by such an intense sense of urgency?! If you see a server pass you by while you are frantically screaming “EXCUSE ME, HOT WATER?”, and they don’t stop, its because they’re busy taking everyone else’s orders that make sense…don’t worry, they’ll get to you when they can.

-Alexandra

Hot Bartender Gallery (16 Photos)

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Are You on Drugs

This dude comes in to my bar, acting pretty normal. Two beers in, out of nowhere, he decides someone is going to shoot him and that someone is hiding in the bar. I’m assuming the shrooms hit or something. This guy backs up to the wall and starts screaming for everyone to back off. When the bouncer approaches, he starts screaming “YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME AREN’T YOU?!” On and on until finally, he just bolts out the front door at full speed. Assuming that was it, normal bar business resumes.

Then cops show up looking for the bouncer who “threatened to kill this man while brandishing a weapon.” Apparently this idiot ran down the road until he saw a cop car which he then jumped in front of while screaming “THEY’RE TRYING TO KILL ME!” So everyone explains to the cops that this guy has lost it and no one here has a gun, let alone is trying to kill him. The cops look at the bouncer and say “Are you on drugs?” “Umm no.” “Is he on drugs?” “Probably.” “Okay. Have a good one.” And that guy promptly went to jail.

-Jason

Classic Bartender Equation

(6 single WOO Girls) + (47 sugary shooters) = me the bartender spending an extra hour after my shift cleaning up their puke

-Tom

Tilted Kilt Girls Gallery (40 Photos)

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Jose Swerve-Oh

I had a woman order a shot of “Jose Swerve-Oh”…..Then proceed to tell me about her 3 DUIs

-April

Virgin Margarita

Guest: “I want a virgin margaritas on the rocks.”

Me: “Ok”

Guest: “This tastes like straight margarita mix!! I’m very dissatisfied! ”

Me (Thinking): “What the fuck did you think you were ordering?”

-Chris

Nightclub Problems

At the first nightclub I worked at:

• Someone took a shit on the dance floor. People just danced around it for about 15 minutes before anyone who could clean it up was notified.
• A French couple were having sex at a table that was literally in the only part of the establishment that was lit, about 5 feet away from the bar. Not even subtly, her skirt was on the floor his pants were round his ankles and she was riding him hard.
• People frequently took shits in the urinals. I don’t even know why we had a ton of stalls.
• A guy started throwing glasses against the wall and breaking them. We notified the two main bouncers who were brothers, 6’6 and 290 lb Polish boxers. This 5’9 skinny as fuck drunk guy decided it was a good idea to take a swing at Marius. I’ve never seen someone literally open doors with a guys head as he carries him but the brothers managed to do it 4 times before literally hurling him into the alley out back. This club was next door to a police station and this idiot decided to start kicking their cars. Arrested on the spot.

-Joey