I Only Have $30 and we All Need Food And Desert

I work at a national chain restaurant. A woman came in with her three small, unruly children. I greet the table with a smile but before I am able to get anything out of my mouth she says: “I have 30 dollars. That’s all. You need to make sure that the bill isn’t over 30 dollars and we all need to eat and have ice cream.”

Ummm are you kidding me? How the hell is that MY responsibility?! Great, so I am clearly not getting a tip and now I have to do math on top of it. It ended up being one of the most difficult dinner/dessert service of my life (complete with MANY substitutions, send backs, and my manager having to comp due to her dissatisfaction) the bill came to $29.84…AND SHE HAD THE NERVE TO LEAVE THE CHANGE ON THE TABLE.

-Raleigh

Poor Choices Last Night

Ok so Sunday I had this family at a table. 5 little boys and their parents. The first four little boys all ordered soda, and then the last little boy ordered a water. While he was ordering his dad interrupted by sternly saying that he had made poor choices last night so he only gets water. Without missing a beat I looked him straight in the eye and said I completely understand, when I make poor choices I drink a lot of water the next day too ; )

-Eve

Gimme a Yeasty Beer, I Need to Breast Feed

Bartending this afternoon when a 30 something mom plops her baby on my bar top and says “gimme a yeasty beer I need to breast feed” Uhhh how about the number to child services instead?

-Joel

If You Bring a Kid Pick up After It

When bringing a kid into a restaurant, try to pick up after it. Servers & hostesses don’t have time to pick up the Cheeto explosion your twerp left when we’re on a forty-five minute wait.

-Courtney

Natural Selection

I have a really good friend that works at one of those “staffed by only females” restaurants…which, no matter what you say, it’s not a family restaurant. Well, a rather large (in mass and and group size) family with a 5 or 6 month old baby came in and she had the joy of serving them. Once, when she was bring them refills, she walked up on the table where that baby was teetering in his high chair, waving a steak knife around in the air like a lasso. She said she stopped and said as loudly as she could, “Is that baby waving a steak knife?” To which the mother replied, “Her grandma let her do it.” No one took the knife away. Kudo’s to bad parents for at least trying to allow for natural selection…

-Megan

Can I Have Your Breasts Please

The 5ish looking kid at my table today.
Kid: “Can I have your breasts please?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid “Your chicken breast sandwich lady…relax”

I couldn’t believe the sass from a little kid!

-Julia

Pint Size Snot Rocket

One time I was wiping down a cleared off booth at the Tex Mex restaraunt I work at, when a little boy (about 3 or 4) in the adjacent booth curiously leans over and starts playing with his toy car on the booth I was cleaning. My initial reaction was aw how cute, until he sneezed up food and mucus all over the table. His parents looked embarassed and called him back over, not even an apology. I was so disgusted I had to clean it up with the napkins from the dispenser we keep on the table instead of the communal rag we use.

-Ben

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Crazy Monkey Kid

I had a kid run up to me just the other day when I was working at round table. It grabbed my leg and tried to shimmy up it like a monkey on bath salts. The mother came over and ripped it off of me only to proclaim “Don’t you ever touch my child again or I’ll call the police” Lady, I swear to fucking christ…

-Jayme

A Little Somethin Extra to Get Your Through Your Shift

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