Shit People Say to Bartenders

We want fun shots 

Light Ice

Ugh I hate this conversation……

Customer: “uuuhh excuse me gurl, can I axe you a question?”

Me: “Yes ma’am?”

Customer: “If I was to be orderin my Long Island iced tea wif light ice dats means I get more alcohol rightttt?”

Me: (what I am thinking) “No you don’t get any more fucking alcohol you cheap asshole, and go tell all your ghetto friends that isn’t how it works anywhere on the fucking planet, we don’t just replace water with booze!”

(What I said) “No sorry ma’am the drink will be served in a smaller glass”

FML

-Brittany

Bartending at a Swim-up Bar in Vegas, Then I See it

I found this site today and I love it! For your pleasure here is by far my best bartending story of my 12 year bartending career. I worked at a swim up bar at a pool party in Las Vegas for 3 filthy years. One raging Saturday afternoon I had a drunk chick sit at my bar for a good 3 hours. I learned that she had been dieting for this trip for 2 weeks drinking nothing but juice. She was pleasant and it was busy so I started pouring her shots on the house. 4 shots down I could tell she was wasted then I saw it…a merky cloud in the water behind her. At first I thought is was a spilled drink then she yelled “shit!” and booked it out of the pool. This broad shit in the pool right in front of me…a merky 2 week juice diet shit.

-Chad

Classic Bartender Equation

(6 single WOO Girls) + (47 sugary shooters) = me the bartender spending an extra hour after my shift cleaning up their puke

-Tom

The Glass Hit Her in The Back of The Head!

I was a barback for 3 months at a VERY up scale hotel/restaurant/bar a year ago. These people were astoundingly rich, we charged people $8 a beer (minimum) and $19 for a shot of Patron and they would order them by the dozen. They thought they were invincible.

I was working one evening and it was particularly busy and the service was incredibly slow, like a “wait 10 minutes for the bartender to even glance at you” slow. Anyways, a guy comes up to me asking for another drink. I explained to him that I could not serve him because I was only a barback (it was easy to mistake people because we all wore the same uniform). It was very loud and what I thought he said back was “Can you just get me a drink of water?” So, I filled a glass up with water and gave it to the gentleman (probably around 45ish and I was 20). He immediately started screaming at me “FUCK YOU I SAID MY DRINK TASTES LIKE WATER GIVE ME ANOTHER DRINK!!” and threw the glass behind the bar  hitting one of the female bartenders in the back of the head. All of the bartenders went silent and out of nowhere one of them climbs over the bar and tackles the guy that threw the drink. Security dragged that asshole out of the bar never to be seen again.

-Daniel

Bar-Stool Rodeo Trick

I just fell in love

I Can’t Taste the Liquor

One I find hilarious/annoying is when people order a higher end liquor and complain “They can’t taste the alcohol/you didn’t put anything in it..” You just paid more money to have a smoother tasting cocktail..

-Chad

Mangolicious

I work at a bar that serves all kinds of martinis. Yesterday I had two girls come in and order mangolicious martinis. Next time I swing by their table they want to send the half empty drinks back, because…they tastes too much like MANGO.

-Brandon

You’re on “Stage”

I was working one friday night in a very packed city bar. Around midnight as people where getting good and sauced up my fellow bartenders noticed this couple getting very hot and heavy. FYI PDA’s are gross and really obnoxious sitting at the bar… Anyway these two are going at way harder than your normal drunk cpl. Her facial expression gave it away. Turns out that his hand was all the way up her skirt and… you can imagine the rest.

They were so into it that they didn’t notice that people where starting to watch. So much so that a two foot radius developed around them and half the bar was watching. At this point my buddy took a flashlight and shined upon them like a spotlight. After about 30 seconds of being “on stage” the dude realized what was going on but didn’t stop! Finally the girl came too and bolted for the door. Dude threw a $100 on the bar and they both left to a standing ovation. AWESOME

-Eddie

Vegas Bachelorette Parties

I bartend at a popular bar in Vegas. Lemme tell you about bachelorette parties. It’s always a bunch of cock-hungry, belligerently drunk shreiking she-beasts groping anything that looks remotely like a penis. Seriously, if guys acted the same way towards females they would be done for sexual assault. 9/10 times the toilets will end up clogged and at least 2 women will talk your ear off for 20 minutes how much of an asshole her boyfriend/husband/booty call is, then attempt to stroke your face and take you to their hotel room whilst throwing up over themselves.

Tips are generally good though.

-Brock