Breakfast server here: Today two broke ass looking girls got sat at my table. I grab the coffee pot assuming these ratchets are going to need some caffeine. As I approach the table mess #1 says to mess #2 “I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?” I tried so hard not to laugh as I asked if they wanted coffee.
-John
I found this site today and I love it! For your pleasure here is by far my best bartending story of my 12 year bartending career. I worked at a swim up bar at a pool party in Las Vegas for 3 filthy years. One raging Saturday afternoon I had a drunk chick sit at my bar for a good 3 hours. I learned that she had been dieting for this trip for 2 weeks drinking nothing but juice. She was pleasant and it was busy so I started pouring her shots on the house. 4 shots down I could tell she was wasted then I saw it…a merky cloud in the water behind her. At first I thought is was a spilled drink then she yelled “shit!” and booked it out of the pool. This broad shit in the pool right in front of me…a merky 2 week juice diet shit.
-Chad
(6 single WOO Girls) + (47 sugary shooters) = me the bartender spending an extra hour after my shift cleaning up their puke
-Tom
It gets pretty crazy at the bar I work at. One day a girl got so drunk she PEED HER PANTS, there was a huge puddle on and around her chair. Our bouncer asked her to leave but she just sat there in her dirty pee pants until the bouncer made her friends carry her out! bahaha
-Jerry
Last New Years Eve a guy trying to impress two chicks ordered three bottles of our most expensive champagne ($600 a bottle) and paid on card. He asked us to open all three, then changed his mind and asked us to keep two open bottles in the fridge for later and then took one over to the ladies who were all over him like a rash.
He was already so drunk that he forgot about the other two bottles. At the end of the night, he took one of girls home and left without reminding us of the other bottles.
So, not wanting to waste any champagne, my two bar buddies and I proceeded to drink two magnums (seeing as they were already paid for) whilst cleaning up the bar and had a great night. Never saw the guy again, but THANKS, YOU MADE OUR NIGHT.
-David
I work as a barback/busser in a campus pub. One night we had a traffic light party (Wear red if you’re taken, yellow if it’s complicated, green if you’re single) and it was getting pretty damn sloppy. So I’m clearing glasses off tables, and there’s this girl with two guys on either side of her with their arms around her shoulders (and not to mention massive knockers…).
Cool as a cucumber, one of the guys leans over and says “So how do you feel about getting Eiffel Tower’d tonight?”
-Tommy
I work at a bar that serves all kinds of martinis. Yesterday I had two girls come in and order mangolicious martinis. Next time I swing by their table they want to send the half empty drinks back, because…they tastes too much like MANGO.
-Brandon
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Can you please escort these two ladies….back to plastic surgery
You ever notice it’s always fat woman in high heels that fall. And after they hit the ground and the shock wave is over they start screaming at the nearest person like it was their fault. A 2cm width 5inch heel can only handle so much!!!! Maybe you didn’t need that extra helping or that 4th glass of wine….
-Jen
I bartend at a popular bar in Vegas. Lemme tell you about bachelorette parties. It’s always a bunch of cock-hungry, belligerently drunk shreiking she-beasts groping anything that looks remotely like a penis. Seriously, if guys acted the same way towards females they would be done for sexual assault. 9/10 times the toilets will end up clogged and at least 2 women will talk your ear off for 20 minutes how much of an asshole her boyfriend/husband/booty call is, then attempt to stroke your face and take you to their hotel room whilst throwing up over themselves.
Tips are generally good though.
-Brock
Break Room Stories