Ima Look the Same Sittin’ Down

A “guest” walks up to the host stand with a plate of mostly eaten fries in her hand.

Woman: (rudely interrupting the hosts helping another guest) ‘Scuse me!! My waitress is “too busy” to come help our table
Host: What can we do for you, ma’am?
Woman: My fries is cold. I need new ones

Mind you, the woman was STILL chewing on fries

Host: (confused as to what to do) Well, let me find your server because we may need to charge you for a new side.
Woman: You ain’t charging me for no new fries!! These was cold. I ain’t satisfied

At this point, I step in to aid the obviously confused/annoyed hosts

Me: Ma’am, is there something I can help you with?
Woman: (again, rudely) She ALREADY helping me.
Me: Oh, well, why don’t you tell me where you are sitting and I can bring you a new plate of fresh, hot fries
Woman: I don’t know where the fuck my table is! I don’t know the number!!
Me: OK, well, how about you SHOW me where your table is so we can bring you those fries
Woman: You can come find me! Ima look the same sittin’ down!

-Tommy

Business Lunch Revenge

I made a post about business lunches a couple of days ago. I got fed up! Today this pompous prick came in again, sat in my section again, and was a douche bag again. So when he paid with his credit card I came back to the table and said, “sorry sir but your card was declined.” He demanded that I try it again. To which I replied, “Sorry but I ran it 3 times.” He got super flustered and one of his associates picked up the tab. I hope he learned a lesson!

-Brad

Um Excuse me This Salad is Toooo Cold

I had a lady complain that her salad was too cold, and now she had to let it sit and warm up before she could eat it. WTF!?

-Bert

The Worst Wig I’ve Ever Seen

So this guy comes in to the bar wearing the worst wig I’ve ever seen. Like blow dried road kill. His head looks like one of those organic eggs that still has a feather on it.

I try my best not to look at it, but it’s practically growling at me. I say ‘Hello’. I take his drink order. I make his drink. I ring it up on the register, and without even noticing I say to him, “Okay sir, would you like to pay now or to pay later.”

-Ross

Too Much Splenda

I just watched a lady pour like 20 Splednda packets into her iced tea then ask me for, “more Splenda….Like alot more….”

-Barbie

Shit People Say to Servers

Spicy?

Excuse me…how spicy is your spicy jambalaya? How am I supposed to know how to answer that question? Dumbass. Do you like white bread? Do you like a thick coat of mayonnaise? If you answered yes to those two questions and are concerned about the degree of spice in the SPICY jambalaya then order oatmeal and get out of my face with your stupid question.

-Sarah

Gimme a Yeasty Beer, I Need to Breast Feed

Bartending this afternoon when a 30 something mom plops her baby on my bar top and says “gimme a yeasty beer I need to breast feed” Uhhh how about the number to child services instead?

-Joel

Classic Bartender Equation

(6 single WOO Girls) + (47 sugary shooters) = me the bartender spending an extra hour after my shift cleaning up their puke

-Tom

Shit Food Chef

Once a customer wrote ‘shit food chef’ incredibly neatly in the sauce on his plate. I was amazed at the detail and symmetry of his lettering.

-Robert