Posts Tagged ‘Waiter’

Excuse me…how spicy is your spicy jambalaya? How am I supposed to know how to answer that question? Dumbass. Do you like white bread? Do you like a thick coat of mayonnaise? If you answered yes to those two questions and are concerned about the degree of spice in the SPICY jambalaya then order oatmeal and get out of my face with your stupid question.


I worked at a cafeteria and got some pretty weird/gross requests. -ranch on fruit jello -regular chubby kids got (everytime) fried chicken, french fries, and mash potatoes with extra gravy they would peal the skin off the fried chicken and dip it in gravy. (I felt like I was handing them death) -saw a lady put sugar on her spaghetti


Last night I had a couple at my table. Our restaurant serves a Vodka Shrimp Pasta. She “snaps” her fingers to signal me over to the table, then she orders our Vodka Shrimp Pasta and says, “lemme upgrade to Goose in that pasta.” (the sauce is just called Vodka sauce there is no booze in it) I said “no problem” rang in a chilled double shot of Grey Goose and drank the shot in the back of the restaurant. This smug lady said she loved the pasta! haha I loved my free shot of Grey Goose!


Once a customer wrote ‘shit food chef’ incredibly neatly in the sauce on his plate. I was amazed at the detail and symmetry of his lettering.


Tonight at work I was standing next to one of my 2 top tables asking if their food had come out alright. The guy at the table went to grab a napkin that had two ramekins of honey mustard dressing on top of it. He pulled the napkin out too quickly and at just the right angle for the dressing to fly off the table and splatter all over me and the floor. He watched the whole thing happen and still had the audacity to smile and say “We’ll just pretend like that wasn’t your fault.”


It gets pretty crazy at the bar I work at. One day a girl got so drunk she PEED HER PANTS, there was a huge puddle on and around her chair. Our bouncer asked her to leave but she just sat there in her dirty pee pants until the bouncer made her friends carry her out! bahaha


I work for a nicer restaurant in San Francisco, last Saturday night a bigger man with short hair was about to walk into the ladies room so I quickly yelled, “sir that’s the women’s restroom!” SHE turned around and said, “I know…” I was mortified!!!


This 40 year old balding guy last night said, “you have very pretty eyes” I said, “thanks” he replied, “that’s just the first thing I said, not the first thing I thought.” then he gave me this creepy wink. I had other servers go to the table the rest of their meal! What a creep!


WTF is up with the cup shake. I see that your drink needs to be refilled and I will get to it if you just let me put down your food/menus for other table/etc. Do NOT shake your cup of ice at me! It fills me with an unbelievable rage. It’s even worse if they shake it as they’re asking for a refill. I get it!


I was waiting on a really pleasent married couple and we were joking the entire time. They finish their meal and as I drop the check I say to the women of the table,”Ma’am, I’m obligated by policy to offer you an after dinner mint, but please don’t think I personally am making any judgement on your obviously pleasant and fragrant breath.” With that I placed a single mint by her plate, I turned her man and said, “Here.” and I emptied my apron pocket of about a hundred mints straight into this guys lap. I’ve never gotten such a good tip for being so rude! They started crying they were laughing so hard. :D