Posts Tagged ‘waiting tables’

If you are a piece of shit redneck, and your credit card gets declined at the restaurant, and you can’t afford your food you ordered, and your letting your fat nasty kids drink mountain dew at 8 PM, the best thing to do is complain to the manager about your waitress and what “bad service” you had.

Because obviously your waitress is the problem.

Insert rage.

– Kathryn

Today I served an obese ginger family. There were 7 of them and they all needed extra ranch. I thought this was some kind of mathematical impossibility? Either way I could literally feel my soul being sucked out of my body every time I refilled a coke. Do you automatically get diabetes after 7 coke refills? Weeeellllll the fat version of the Weasly family from Harry Potter managed to rack up a $267.87 check only to leave $3.13 for my effort….my only consolation is that they would all probably burst into flames if the sun were to ever touch their creepy pale skin.


I am pretty sure 75% of the waiting staff at my restaurant are going to be more drunk than their customers this Cinco de Mayo….

– James

I work at a diner nearby a retirement home, so we get a lot of sweet older couples. one of my first shifts ever i had this sweet older gentleman come in and explains he is waiting for his wife, gets coffee, waits.
she shows up, and is absolutely the WORST to her poor husband, who just sits there and takes it. Anyways, they both order some generic breakfast platter, food arrives, I take it to them. there was no delay, they were the first and only people in that morning.

So, I always go back to check on how they’re doing, but I see that only the older man has been eating, the wife is just throwing her arms up at him and bitching. finally, I come up a few minutes later anyways, ask how everything is going, the man’s plate almost gone. the woman looks at me, looks at her full plate, tries a bite of her egg, (SURPRISE, hot food actually cools down if you don’t touch it for ten minutes) and absolutely loses her mind at me, starts GRINDING her claws into the egg yolks, hashbrowns, toast, bacon and tells me how COLD IT IS. Her decrepit talons covered in her breakfast, how can anyone be this angry?! But you know they’re always right.. right? So I apologize, leave to go comp her meal, and she gets up and just leaves. And her poor husband just sits there staring.. Like..

Yup. Should have left her 60 years ago, bud.


Last night a man came in with a 5 megaton f.u.p.a. (Fat upper penis area) he looked pregnant. Not only did he have to sit 2 feet back from the table, spill food all over himself and the floor, demand 8 diet coke refills, he also smelled really bad and stiffed me. Then again I would be upset too if I had to permanently shop in the maternity section at target.

– Christina

I passed out last night after a double shift with out washing my hair. Now my pillow smells like stale beer and ranch.

– Jessica

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Man humps fries

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