I used to work at restaurants as a college student making balloon animals for tips. Every group of exclusively women would ask for a penis of some variation. One woman asked for MY penis, not with words, but by fondling it while she delivered my $3 tip into my apron…
-Chad
“My roast beef tastes too much like beef”…actual complaint, uh sir are you fucking kidding me, It will never cease to amaze me how dumb some people can be.
-Toni
An actual question:
“Ummmm excuse me miss! Does your artichoke dip have artichokes in it??”
***face palm***
-Danny
Ugh I hate this conversation……
Customer: “uuuhh excuse me gurl, can I axe you a question?”
Me: “Yes ma’am?”
Customer: “If I was to be orderin my Long Island iced tea wif light ice dats means I get more alcohol rightttt?”
Me: (what I am thinking) “No you don’t get any more fucking alcohol you cheap asshole, and go tell all your ghetto friends that isn’t how it works anywhere on the fucking planet, we don’t just replace water with booze!”
(What I said) “No sorry ma’am the drink will be served in a smaller glass”
FML
-Brittany
Confetti Makers – People who find any little bits of paper on the table and tear them into tiny ass chunks, leaving a mess. Do you do this at home? Would you like your house guests to do this? This goes for people who peel labels off bottles…Are you nervous? Do you break out in OCD every time you are in a social environment? Is your company boring? WTF is going on with this? This rant is inspired by a table that literally made a mountain of ripped up coasters in the middle of the table. I didn’t even give them that many coasters to make a pile so big…
-Daniel
OMG! It was almost closing time and there were barely any people in the restaurant. I finished my last table and my side work and go to find my shift lead (our restaurant has a policy that you need to get signed out by a shift lead) I look every-where for this guy…After looking for him for 20 minutes I decided to sign my self out and go to our walk in fridge to grab my leftovers from break. Guess who is in the walk in! My shift lead having sex with the hostess!
-Stacy
Tonight I witnessed someone eat a juicy medium rare bacon wrapped filet mignon with ketchup
*facepalm*
-Brandon
I was training at a new restaurant. My trainer and I get sat a party of eight. Couples. Business guys taking the wives out for a night on the town. Cocktails flow. Appetizers disappear. Finally my trainer is making the rounds, taking orders. He’s already discussed the night’s specials in detail, already sold a couple of $40+ entrees. He gets to The Loud Guy. This guy has a few drinks in him and has decided to impress everyone with how awesome and knowledgeable he is. So of course he asks my trainer to repeat all the specials. He does. Dude starts drilling down to specific ingredients, even asking what kind of herbs are in the béarnaise sauce (it’s tarragon, moron, it’s a fucking béarnaise sauce).
Now, this is at 8 PM on a Friday night and we have 3 other tables of 4 already seated. I’m doing what I can, but my trainer is trapped at this eight-top. Loud Guy keeps asking stupid questions and wanting to chat.
Finally my trainer says, “Sir? I’m sorry, but I have other tables that need my attention. May I take your order?”
Loud guy freaks. How rude, blah blah blah.
My trainer looks at him and says, “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize I was here to entertain you.” And then he starts dancing. Like, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever disco moves. He boogies around the whole table, says to me “Get this guy’s order!” and pelvic-thrusts his way back to the kitchen, leaving the eight-top speechless.
The guy ordered a steak. Medium well. Asshole.
-Annie
Was serving two couples, after a couple bottles of wine one of the mothers asked to take my picture as she wanted to set me up with her daughter. I said OK what does she look like. They said she looks just like Kate Hudson and showed me a picture of her. Yeah she looked like Kate Hudson if Kate Hudson gained 40 pounds and ran face first into a wall 10 times….Thanks but no thanks.
-John
I work at an upscale restaurant in a hotel. Last Friday night I had this couple come in clearly on a date. She looked ridiculous big fake boobs, big hair, pounds of make-up, designer bag clearly HIGH MAINTENCE. I introduce myself and step away from the table…when I do the “gentleman” comes up behind me and says, “Listen bro…she is going to order premium everything…Goose, Patron, mixed with Pellegrino and who knows what else…give her WELL everything none of that expensive sh!T…BUT TELL HER IT’S PREMIUM…I am paying the bill and I will hook you up,” I do it she doesn’t notice annnd this asshole tips 5%. Thanks BRO…
-Kyle
Break Room Stories