The Awkward Family Fight

Last night I had the “pleasure” of waiting on a table of 8: granddad, grandma, aunts, husband, wife, all relatives. The husband & wife brought in their two screaming children ages 2-5. So they’re loud, their kids are loud, they are rude from the start, and they ignore me whenever I ask basic questions. Annnnnnnd they were encouraging them to yell and letting them run around through the galley where hot plates of food are sent out.

Beyond letting their spawn run wild, they fail to answer me or acknowledge me, or even look at me when I retrieve many of the items they asked for. I bring over some items to keep the kids satisfied, and the wife asks to have her kid’s food comped because she doesn’t like it. All some of my biggest pet peeves as a waitress, but I try to not let it get to me.

Fast forward 30 minutes, The wife bursts into tears and one of the aunts starts yelling across the table “I can’t believe you! You’re OUTTA LINE!” Frozen holding a food tray, I wonder if I should continue serving pasta while the yelling happens. The grandma tugs on my arm and assures me it’s not me, and not to worry about it. It continues.. “FINE, whatever, Susan. You are RIDICULOUS!” “Yeah? Am I? AM I?”

Every other table in the room is starting to fall silent. Next thing I know, a full on Talladega Nights-style family fight with tears and name calling has begun; the wife runs out of the restaurant in tears and the ancient grandpa looks like he is praying for death after his relatives’ lack of manners. “I’m so sorry about my horrible sister in law,” one of them says. “Uhh. It’s okay.” I say, not really sure what is going on anymore. The wife has fled outside crying to the place where we take our smoke breaks, and our other employees are starting to get confused.

But they don’t leave. They stay, for quite awhile, and continue to argue. I wait til they finally flag me down and I go to hand them their check – and yes, they are still arguing. “I already added the gratuity!” I remind them, as I hand the slip to the aunt. “Yeah, okay” they say as they sort of blow me off again.But the story has a happy ending. Hundred dollar check AFTER gratuity. They tipped me about 20 on top of that because they were too busy fighting.

DOUBLE TIP.

-Tara

Guess Who is in The Walk In!

OMG! It was almost closing time and there were barely any people in the restaurant. I finished my last table and my side work and go to find my shift lead (our restaurant has a policy that you need to get signed out by a shift lead) I look every-where for this guy…After looking for him for 20 minutes I decided to sign my self out and go to our walk in fridge to grab my leftovers from break. Guess who is in the walk in! My shift lead having sex with the hostess!

-Stacy

St. Patrick’s Day Problems

I just cleaned up green puke amd its only 11:12 a.m.

-Stacy

Bartending at a Swim-up Bar in Vegas, Then I See it

I found this site today and I love it! For your pleasure here is by far my best bartending story of my 12 year bartending career. I worked at a swim up bar at a pool party in Las Vegas for 3 filthy years. One raging Saturday afternoon I had a drunk chick sit at my bar for a good 3 hours. I learned that she had been dieting for this trip for 2 weeks drinking nothing but juice. She was pleasant and it was busy so I started pouring her shots on the house. 4 shots down I could tell she was wasted then I saw it…a merky cloud in the water behind her. At first I thought is was a spilled drink then she yelled “shit!” and booked it out of the pool. This broad shit in the pool right in front of me…a merky 2 week juice diet shit.

-Chad

It Was Ripe

A child puked all over his mom and the booth I was sitting in. Oh it was ripe! But what makes this memorable is a table got sat right next to the throw up booth and a giant grown man got a smell of the puke and instantly threw up too…..I spent the next 25 minutes cleaning up 2 piles of puke. I hate my job.

-Brooke

Girl Poops In Her Hand Outside A Nightclub

Finally caught one of these crazy stories on tape!!! Things like this really happen hahahaha!!!

Sign #1 That You Never Grew a Pair

One of the funniest things I see as a female bartender is when men try to show how “manly” they are by drinking waaaay to much, and then puking…

REAL MANYLY OF YOU.

Anyway, I WISH I had been there to witness what happened last night, but I only heard from another coworker so I can’t be as detailed as I’d like to be.

Last night, a man came into our bar and had two shots of Maker’s Mark…paid his bill….and got drunk…

The man got drunk off of TWO SHOTS!…. and then proceeded to puke EVERYWHERE….and the ambulance was called.

Today, he came back in the restaurant because we had his credit card and went up to one of our bartenders, Angelic, who just happened to be the one serving him last night. He said, “Man… I don’t remember ANYTHING from last night. The last thing I clearly remember doing was signing my credit card receipt.”

Angelic: “Well, sir, you had two shots of Maker’s Mark, puked all over my bar, passed out, and then I had to call an ambulance for you.”

hahahahaahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahahahaa

Sign 1 that you never grew a pair…..

-Chelsea

Revenge!

Recently, the pub I work at has a new policy about not allowing dogs on the patio, all because of one major douchebag in particular.  It is a busy Sunday, serving mimosas to all of the drunk asses who wander up and down Belmont Shore California, when this fool’s dog just throws up twice on the patio.  I come out with my hands full with 4 schooners when this guy says, “Hey my dog just threw up and you should clean it up before someone steps in it.” … Sure, sir, let me get right on that for you… NOT. So I come out with a pitcher of water and hand it to the guy.  He scoffs and says, “You want me to clean this up? YOU work here.”  Just as I was about to body slam him (I wish) some meat head steps in the throw up, and starts getting heated.  Lucky for me, this meat head is a regular and also a bartender at another place on the street, and he made sure the guy clean up the puke on the ground… and his own feet :D

-Diane

Then it Eventually Hit Me, It Was the Smell

Roughly 6-7 years ago, I was waiting tables at restaurant when the fattest person I’ve ever seen walked in. She was seated in a section that I wasn’t waiting so other than the initial mild curiosity, I ignored her.

25 minutes or so later, I heard someone gagging. Great, I thought, someone got sick on our food. The sections were divided for smoking so I couldn’t really see what was going on. A few minutes later, I heard another person making dry heaving/gagging sounds.

I started to get a bit worried at this point. The managers rushed out but I just continued on doing my thing. (waiting tables at night is crazy busy, short of a nuclear war, you just keep on working)

Then it eventually hit me, I wanted to gag as well. It was the smell. It turned out that the incredibly obese woman had shit herself and just sat in it.

Long story short, many customers were refunded money (the ones that stuck around). We propped all the doors open in the building and sat outside for a good hour before going back in and closing up shop. (It was around closing time)…

I’ll never forget that night.

-Brett

Crop Dusting

I just crop dusted half the restaurant on my way to the kitchen.

-Katy