Bullshit Tolerance

My level of bullshit tolerance with clients is considered zen. I’m practically a Buddha at this point.

-Greg

Couple Get Caught Having Sex On Restaurant Table In Florida

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We Know What’s Going on Buddy

When you’re with the woman who’s not your wife, you’re a lot nicer to us, probably because YOU know that WE know it’s not your wife, because you’re a regular and we know your wife.

-Brooke

Regular Asshole

Every time this regular comes in, he rustles my damn jimmies by just flat out refusing to speak to me until he absolutely must. He’ll walk in, I’ll give him a big smile and say something friendly like “Afternoon sir, good to see you again” or whatever… and he’ll sort of glance at me and walk past me and start looking around the restaurant, checking for his friends or deciding what table he wants. I’ll go, “Joining us for lunch? How many in your party today?” And he’ll shrug without looking at me and wander towards his favorite table.

If I’m really lucky, sometimes he’ll hold up a number of fingers to indicate how many friends he’s expecting. If he’s getting takeout, he’ll ignore my greeting and stick his head over the counter to where we have the specials posted in the wait station (for the staff’s use – we have them posted very obviously in a convenient spot outside for customers). Not a word from him until he’s ready to order. And he never acts particularly cranky… the vibe is very clearly just “you’re beneath me, I don’t need to talk to you.” So damn rude.

-Amanda

Virgin Margarita

Guest: “I want a virgin margaritas on the rocks.”

Me: “Ok”

Guest: “This tastes like straight margarita mix!! I’m very dissatisfied! ”

Me (Thinking): “What the fuck did you think you were ordering?”

-Chris

Now She’s Really Out of Your Leauge

My dumb boss was talking to my awesome boss in the office today.  i walked in to get my schedule after my shift and the dumb boss said, “did you make money today?” i was quiet for a second, so my awesome boss answered for me, “obviously she did, now she’s really out of your league,” …… awesome bosses are awesome.

– Jazmyn

The Waitress Rap

Name-tag Nuisance

The customer in question approached the register (I was cashiering that day), saw my name-tag, and the following occurred:

BitchWoman: Do you pronounce your name ‘Kel-yay’?

Me: It’s Kellye. (Like, you know, “Kelly”)

BitchWoman: Wow, your parents really fucked you over with that spelling!

-Kellye

Hey You Guys!

I’m from the south and have a bad habit of saying “you guys” on accident sometimes. Said it to two middle aged ladies one time when getting drinks and next thing I know they are leaving and one of them is crying. Apparently the crying one had cancer and was insecure about her femininity after losing her hair (she was wearing a wig.) How was I suppose to know?!?

-Katie

Crop Dusting

I just crop dusted half the restaurant on my way to the kitchen.

-Katy